The humor in security after the bomb blasts

You gotta laugh at a lot of things in Bangalore these days. Take for example all the “extra security precautions” that are being implemented in the wake of the bomb blasts. Let me share 3 examples.

1. I was walking into Bangalore Central (a mall in downtown Bangalore – M. G. Road) with my wife over the weekend. The better half wanted to check out the “sales”. The place was packed and so were the entrances and exits. Imagine a crowd at the entrance and an airport-style metal / security detector at the front. And over 5 guards next to the metal detector. There’s a line 12-15 people deep. Every time a person went through the detector, it beeped (like really big time, loud beeps). The 3 security guards all smile, look at the next person and wave you forwards. Happened with EACH and every person who entered before us. Beeps every time and everyone was let go with a wide smile. What’s the point? I am not sure and I did not care to find out.

2. The security wand metal detector is another contraption that’s become in the vogue in most office entrances these days. I have really no clue what they’re supposed to do with those things. I am pretty sure neither do the security guards. Its not like they ask you to remove any metals, coins or other paraphernalia before they wand you. So what happens is the enthusiastic guard with the wand goes all over you from top to bottom and it beeps like crazy. He smiles and asks you to move on. My cousin’s also very confused about this. His question to me was “Is it supposed to beep? Does beeping mean its okay? Or is it not supposed to beep and that’s considered okay?”

The funniest part is when some employees come in packs of 3-4. So the guard mass wand-ed them. Really! No jokes. Imagine 4 people standing next to each other (not in a single file, beside each other), and a guard starting to wand them from left to right and top to bottom, front and back. Why? – Saves time.

3. Of course in places that are “extra sensitive” like government offices, they have to frisk you. Not the simple touch, but imagine someone soaping you (no dirty thoughts, since its same sex “frisking”) top to bottom. After 6 frisks, the guard gets tired (obviously since he’s frisking every person). He’s got a backup guard and another who then takes over. So they cant really do things in parallel because if there are more than 20 people, they will all get tired.

I do feel a lot more secure. Why? If someone has to go through all this fake security and still do something nefarious, they’re nuts.